Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Those who wait

Patience is a trait I've learned a long time ago. when you cant afford to get what you want, you make due with what you've got.You also learn to look at the world with attention, as opportunities abound, for those who take the time to notice.

For instance, I have recently begun a job search, very laid-back like, applying to whatever looked mildly interesting. Barely twenty-four hours in, I already had a few contacts and one interview, with some letting me know in forty-eights hours the result. Another twenty-four, and if I had been available for e meeting, I might well have been offered a position already. I do have that meeting set up for next Monday, but it already looks promising, with the quite likely position offer before noon. At a better salary than I'm making now, benefits and so forth. So, a win already. And I'm still looking.

Another example: about a month ago, I lost my keys. Now, its not a lot of keys, but it was an annoyance, as the set contained the one copy of the key we'd need to get into the building in case of a power failure, and the two keys that open a lock I got and only used once, so annoyance all around. We looked and looked, tried to think about where they could have gotten, blamed it one the cats roughhousing, and left it at that.

Then tonight, as I'm picking up the laundry, they tumble out of the load.

Yet another: on that keyring I carried a small pocketknife. Nothing particularly fancy or expensive, but rather useful and convenient. I used it nearly everyday at work, till I lost it one day. Again, looked and looked, couldn't find the damn thing and considered it and annoying loss. Last week, given that the time was right, I did some cleanup of the walk-in, and t was lying there on the floor.

Loss is one thing, this one is one of opportunity; on Monday, after the interview, I was walking around downtown, looking at picking up a couple of Terry Pratchetts and the new Swans album, a good thing to listen to before the show on Friday. After breaking fats at Ye Olde Orchard (at three PM), my partner points out a little hat, a yidlid, looking for a good home. Now I'm not a religious man, but I certainly understand the memes and powers associated with symbols, so I picked it up. It will probably join an eclectic assortment of occult and religious artifacts, both bought and found, in my Cabinet of Shadows.

I could have panicked, and freaked out, and have caused myself unnecessary stress about the losts. I could torture myself for having picked up, or not having picked up the kippah, as an object of personal devotion and obedience that did not belong to me. But that sort of guilt has no power over me, just like I strive to not let that over which I have no control have any hold on my peace.

My peace is of my own making, just as my drive is to look forward; it does not prevent from looking up or down or sideways. You never know what you'll miss otherwise.

Monday, September 27, 2010

The long road to somewhere

The one thing that makes people wary and anxious about change, is that most significant change takes time, and most people are constrained by time so that they need anything to be done now, right now, in the exact way that they want it to happen.

But the universe doesn't work that way. The universe doesn't get bogged down in minutia, the fate of a single speck of dust is not on high priority when dealing with cosmic objects the size of supernovas.

When I returned to work, there was never any intent for me to stay there long. The game plan was to return to active duty, get through the summer, and then move on to the next step. I didn't want to start a new job while I was moving, there's enough stress to deal with on one front, I don't need to expand it.Now that the move is done, and the summer is over, its time for me to look for my next step.

Its sort of interesting, because the majority of my close circle is out of work and searching, all in the span of a month. Sometimes change just slams into you; other times, you can see it coming from a mile away, if your eyes are open to the signs all around you. Like how the work environment has become more and more poisoned, how coworkers are leaving, through choice or circumstances... and then you find out that your boss has put out recruitment notices for your position. Sure, I could see it as him finally seeing that one person cant do all that work by himself...

But I'm not blind, or stupid. I can read the signs on the wall.

So the search has begun. At this time, I have applied to a few jobs, and I've already gotten three calls and an interview. Its been less than twenty-four hours. It is quite possible that I'll have a new job by the end of the week, if history serves me right. And I'm still working, so I don't have to worry too much about the income, for now. Sure, I may find out that I'm let go tomorrow. But honestly, that doesn't bother or scare me at all.

If anything, fear has left the building.

Good luck world, I'm out and about, and I just don't give a fuck about your expectations.