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There are events that may not leave much of a mark; verbal abuse has very little visible impact for instance. And then there are events that, by all logic, should leave terrible marks. Being hit in the head with a truck door would, by all order of logic, leave a lasting impression on the receiver. It would certainly be hard to think that it couldn't

And yet, besides the obvious scars, I have little aftereffects of that event. Well, little physical traces anyways. There are consequences, just not the kind that most people expect.

For instance, there was no sudden interest in religion, renewed belief in God, or spiritual discovery. I did not succumb to some sort of massive life questioning where my path is reset and a new direction is taken, one possibly more aligned with people's expectations.

There was certainly an renewal in spiritual pursuit, just like there was a renewed dedication of artistic endeavour, and certainly a new understanding of what had to be done for my goals to be achieved. It had dawned on me just how much time got wasted, some of it due to external circumstances, some of it due to self-limitation.

In my artistic pursuits, I have decided a while back that I should control my destiny as much as possible; while the concept of self-publishing or micro labels is certainly not new, or financially rewarding, I figured that if I was going to do this, I should do my utmost to do it on my own, to be the captain and pilot of my own ship.

Or tank

I took the step of registering a domain name a year ago, with the optic of getting a website up and running withing a few months; as per many of my projects, it has not come to pass yet. Now that I have reached the renewal time, it became obvious that if I made the choice to continue, then I should make damn sure that something should come out of it, good or bad.

The endgame is to bring the project to its conclusion, not just give it a shot and give up halfway through. I have spent far too much time on the abstract, while not doing any of the actual work. That the first sketch will be bad and amateurish, I fully expect; I now have to welcome it, so that I can learn and grow from this experience and develop new skills or understanding.

I have the will, I have a direction. Now, I just have to grab a machete and hack my way.

Onward and forward.