Saturday, April 17, 2010


I have been off work for ten months now. Post hospital, I've pretty much have been a stay-at-home guy, through no real fault of my own. During all this time, there was a period of high energy and motivation, which had its definite advantages, like getting the house in order, purging loads of accumulated stuff of all kinds, furniture and so forth; some things got replenished, I blew a bunch of money...

Well, thats not the point of this post; the problem that occurred had more to do with the fact that after a while, you know, winter sets in, and, especially since I had something of a foot problem, I didn't get out much, and had next to no exercise. I gained weight. Bastard thing is that I had lost weight while in the hospital, and that was a good thing; the plan was that after I went back home and moved on the phase three, that working out would continue, minus the impediment of extra weight, so I would have gotten closer to me goal, and faster. But, heh, it just wasn't meant to happen, and I put on the pounds.

I had a suspicion that I had; its really hard to fool yourself that you can still fit in those pant when you need to suck in your gut to do so. So when they did the basic physical evaluation at the rehab gym, and I found out just how much weight I had put on, I cant say that I was happy; as a matter of fact, I was right back at the weight I was two years ago, when I gave boxing a try. There was a bit of a screw up, and an unexpected break from the gym sessions took place. I had a physical evaluation done by the doc, and... fucking hell, I had gained even more weight. I'm actually at the heaviest I have ever been (and measured.)

Lets just say that I'm not happy. I cant really say that I'm bummed out, or depressed. No, given my spiritual makeup and past, I'd say that I'm more like... pissed off. Now, it'd be easy, and damn convenient, to blame others for my situation; I do, to a certain degree, but really, I've been pretty lazy. Its even easier. Why work out, when there's all that stuff going on online? Why workout when there's all that stuff piled in the way? Why work out when I can work out tomorrow? Why work out... well, you get the idea.

There are NO logical or reasonable reasons I didn't work out. My brain, due to old programming and bad habits, just cant be bothered to make exercising a real priority, so it'll create a bunch of actually weak and senseless excuses that create non-existent obstacles to my goal. So the big project at this point is ditching that mental trash.

Its not like I am lacking in knowledge, or equipment, I have plenty of that. I can get a proper workout everyday, if I can just my head in the proper space. So its a mental workout, which will lead to a physical workout. Something I have been considering is joining a gym, or a martial arts class. If anything, the financial commitment would certainly provide sufficient incentive to get a workout every day, or at least, several times a week. Using a gym would take away most of my excuses (like stuff being in the way), but a martial arts class would sort of do double duty, getting be in better shape, while allowing me to learn new skills that would come in handy.

I have set myself pretty ambitious goals; that is certainly not something I can be faulted for. I have time; besides the rehab, I dont really have anything going on for a while. I can set aside the money and get things under way.

But do I have the guts?

Do I have the drive?

Will I commit?

We shall see.

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