Thursday, March 22, 2012

Bats in the belfry

A week ago I had to take a break from work and all the shit I had to deal with. I have been on medical leave since then, and once the early stress stage passed, I finally got to relax some.

I have had a severe depression/burnout episode some years back, and if there's something you don't want to repeat, it's one of those, so you start paying attention to the signs. When I emerged from the lethargy that is both chemically and psychologically induced, I made myself a promise: that as soon as the signs would creep back in, it was time to bail out.

Of course, there's always something that comes in and messes things up. I had a first incident this summer, after I had applied and was enthusiastically picked for a position in the fraud investigation group at the bank I work at. When I learned that the position, indeed all non-customer service positions, where sales could be done, got shut down, it ticked me off. It was a stupid move on the part of management, since that they only considered revenues in terms of new income, and not in terms of revenues maintained. But hey, them's the breaks, idiots are idiots, and everybody is watching for their own little bonus, right?

Ah yeah, the bonus. I got shafted on that one. Because I got hired through an agency instead of straight by the bank, those six months I was with them didn't count when the time came to calculate it, so I only got half. And quite honestly, it wasn't much. Its definitely not the reason I signed up for this gig. In fact, I signed up for this gig so that I'd get the possibility of moving on to other, non-sales roles.

So senior position came up, which I didn't get, understandably. Six years experience in different departments, including as a senior in fraud investigation... seriously, the guy was both feet in. But the second time, when I got a great interview and got turned down because... well, quite simply, I wasn't hungry enough for the position. Two fucking kids with half my experience got the job, because they were all salivating for it, and they had the stats. That is, they kept their calls short and got all the sales that the suits demanded.

Fuck it, this is not about bitching about a bunch of suck-ups. So fine, I applied to a support position, something away from the damn sales. First interview went splendidly, and I was waiting for the follow-up. But then nagging concerns came at me. For one thing, even if I got the position, my current manager could still keep me for a good two months. Two more months of sales and taking goddamn customer calls. And then, in May, the center is being audited. That means that if any one fucker screws up, we all get fucked. That means no bonus. For anybody in the center, all because one idiot screwed up.

And someone will screw up, because of ongoing behavior that will garantee that the law is not followed to the letter.

I got the first creeping problem when as I was getting ready for work nausea came in sideways. I started having the shakes, where you have trouble focusing, where hitting the right buttons to sign-in to the system is a problem. Hell, unlocking the door is an exercise of being drunk while sober. When you start acting on automatic just so you don't have to think about what you're doing... yeah, I called in sick and finally went to the doc. Got some basic stress-relief meds, but had to ask for time off. I am still unsure if I can get paid for the time off, but I stopped caring about that.

My time in that office is coming to an end. There are other banks, who actually give a fuck about fraud prevention, and look at that, are closer to my residence, so I could even freaking walk there. Just gotta do the necessary and apply.

Great, it turned into a bitch rant.


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